In the past couple months or so, I've come to realize something about myself that I had never consciously acknowledged before. It has to do with who I am deep down inside, and what my personality is actually like.....and something I'd rather hide.
Close friends, and even my sister!, have had similar epiphanies lately. They've humbled themselves and come to the realization that they're not tough, impenetrable, anti-social, whatever-else-they-thought-they-were....deep inside, they're actually emotional, sensitive, vulnerable, and soft.
And that is so wonderful! And it sounds so sweet.
My epiphany was pretty much the opposite....and that's why I'd rather hide it.
I'm an introvert!
Me? ME? I'm the one who loves people who are the life of the party, who always wanted to be the bubbly little cheerleader that everyone loves. I love the people who are always in the middle of everything, who everyone needs and who everyone turns to. And forever, I tried to be that person. Shoot, I still try.
But I never could.
Instead of being inspired, invigorated and encouraged after big get-togethers or conferences, I'd leave exhausted, run-down, and usually with a headache. Horse shows, teaching piano, crowds....I don't do well with them. I'd get home and go in my room, shut my door, throw myself on my bed, and revel in just being alone.
I didn't understand it for the longest time, and I hated it. I hated how when big groups of people are over, I love it and have a blast, and enjoy it, but afterwards, I'm so happy it's over. I felt guilty that after a couple days of a conference or church function, I would need a whole day to recover.
Then, I read a wonderful definition of the differences between an introvert and an extrovert........
and everything clicked.
They defined an extrovert as someone who gains energy from other people, and an introvert as someone who loses energy when around people. It was like a light bulb went on for me! There were actually other people out there who got exhausted when dealing with other people? It's something normal???
It's taken some time, but I'm learning to embrace my introverted-ness. It's a little tricky because I'm not the typical quiet, shy introvert. I'm a talkative, outgoing introvert. But an introvert nonetheless. I really love people, just in small numbers. A little get-together with another family in the evening....great! A big social event with lots of people everywhere..........run!
And talking on the phone? One of the most dreaded and hated things I have to do on a day to day basis.
And as I've accepted this, it's really helped me understand why I do certain things, and why I react in certain ways.
I still wish I was an extrovert.....maybe in heaven, God will let me be some little 5'2", bubbly, people-person who gains energy from big groups :) :)
Until then, I have to realize that He makes each one of us perfectly for the plan He has for our lives. If I can live like I believe that, then I can truly embrace my introverted self! :D
Ahhh m'girl, I'm starting to think we were separated at birth. This is SOO true of me!!! There are so many times I can act all life of the party-like, but afterwards, I love nothing better than to come home and just be all by myself. I find enjoyment in being alone, out walking the countryside, playing music to myself, reading, etc. Even though I love being away from home with people I care about, after a huge party, a long visit, or being around heaps of people (once I get myself there... I'm honestly scared stiff of people in general O.O) I get this lovely let down/let off steam moment of just relaxing back into silence.
ReplyDeleteSo yeah, reading you loud and clear!! :D
Exactly......you know, maybe we are long lost twins! Are you over 6' tall? :) :) :)
DeleteAnd I totally am afraid of people. Jessie is afraid of no one, and runs headlong into conflicts. Me? I'm scared if someone frowns at me!! :) :)
It's rather funny, actually, because as I was reading your post, I was thinking of something similar to the quote you pulled from the book... extroverts gain, etc. My sister was having this discussion with a friend (sis is like you, me... I gain from people..). The friend was mentioning that she had also read that extroverts get 'refueled' by being around people, but introverts need lots of time alone in order to refuel. My sis falls pretty much on the alone to refuel side of the fence.. me and this friend? We both decided that we were on the 'people to refuel' side, but we were both leaning over the fence into the other side. There are days when I really just don't want to see anyone. I just need some alone time to recover, so to speak. =) So yes, know that you are not alone!! (and talking on the phone?? I don't really care for it either, even though I technically fall into the 'extrovert' category). lol!
ReplyDeleteYes!! I need lots of time to "refuel"!! I understand completely :) :) :)
DeleteLisa, this is just too funny! I just came home, after a LONG day at Classical Conversations, and I am sitting here recouping ( really, starring into space feeling all the feelings you just described ), I will surprise you by the fact that I am a TOTAL introvert! Yep, me. I absolutely love people but I come home exhausted. Mr. G, the quiet, serious one....is a total extrovert along with Justin and Jon. Jacob is with me ( the seemingly social bug ) Go figure? I have decided it is the base and acid law of science.....one gives and one receives! Us introverts...we give alot when we are with people, mostly because we care so deeply about them and want to interact. I remember when I told Mr. G. that I was an introvert, and he laughed! He said, "You, no way" Ha-Ha! Now he knows I need to slip away alone and regroup. All this to say, I am right there with you and we are just how God made us :)....and I am 5'3". Hehe :))) I just missed your perfect mark. On a serious note, it is so good to know yourself and how God made you because it leaves the enemy defenseless in making you think there is something wrong, when in the end....it is just how we were made by our wonderful creator! All Glory to Him :) Love ya, Mrs. G. ( off for more quiet time! )
ReplyDeleteIsn't that funny? I NEVER would have expected Justin to be the extrovert and Jacob to be an introvert, but it's the exact same in our family!! Quiet Anna is the extrovert, and social me is an introvert!! So crazy.....and so awesome to know that you know exactly what I'm talking about :) :) :)
Delete5'3"? Jessie is a foot taller than you!!! LOL
Enjoy your quiet time!!! :) ♥ ♥
That last line made it - "maybe in heaven, God will let me be some little 5'2", bubbly, people-person who gains energy from big groups..."
ReplyDeleteThat made me smile. :)
And yes, I am a introvert as well.
Ha - you never know, right??? :) :)
DeleteAnd yes, I can totally see you as an introvert :)