“Never forget what Jesus did for you. Never take lightly what it cost Him. And never assume that if it cost Him His very life, that it won't also cost you yours.”
~Rich Mullins

Aug 7, 2013

The Question

If someone came a'courting, and you didn't know them very well at all.......what would be "the question"- or questions- that you feel like you would have to ask? (aside from the obvious must be Christian, willing to homeschool, have as many kids as God blesses with, no divorce, etc.) I'd *love* to hear any and all thoughts on this!!

P.S. Although this is coming from the girl's view, guys are more than welcome to give their input.

P.P.S. I must apologize for the overabundance of relationship-themed posts lately. Just been doing some thinking.


  1. Hrmm... Tough question, about questions! Definitely on my list would be questions about his family, and what his relationship is like with them (though that would probably be evident by observing the guy from a distance). I wouldn't marry someone who had parents who had divorced. I would have to ask are there any sinful habits he hasn't dealt with in his life that could potentially harm our marriage. Also his beliefs on certain doctrines would be very important since there are specific ones I consider vital in order to be a good team. I'd also need to know what kind of ways he plans to provide for a family, ie. occupation, etc. Those are just a few off the top of my head for the moment. :) It's good to ponder.

    1. Very good points.....very, very good. Especially about the sinful habits.

      I think I also need to sit down and figure out what doctrinal differences are big enough hills to die on.

      Thank you so much for your input, and feel free to come back and add if you think of more :)

  2. Oh wow, good question Lis. I think my first question would be "What is your vision for the future?" I know what God has laid on my heart about my future. If he's not clear on what his is, there's no way we could embark on any kind of relationship.
    I would want to know how serious he was about leading, not just our family, but our generation. We're coming up on a time which is going to challenge American Christians like never before and he needs to be committed to forging a path.
    I would also like to know where he stands on adoption.
    And I would want to know if he was really ready to take on my family and the skeletons in the closets and drama. :)

    1. Agree! Agree! Vision is huge...and of course goes hand-in-hand with leadership.

      And I think any family will come with drama ;)

    2. I think I have to concur with Desert Rat - Vision is the Big Kahuna - A guy who is wanting to take on a family and wife and lead them, needs to know where on earth he is going to lead them, and needs to know in no uncertain terms exactly what and where he wants to go, and why God has called him to go there. That is different even from 'what you want to do with your life' but 'this is what God has called me to do, and this is why'.
      If a guy doesn't have that, as well as a vision to shake the culture for God, not just meet status quot and go merrily about life, he isn't up for it.
      Character flaws can and will be worked out as time goes on - Voddie says a young man does 90% of his growing up after marriage. Vision is what matters.
      Hope that helps! :)

    3. Thanks, David!!

      It's so much more than vision, too...because it means he will have had to logically think out some things, it means he has a healthy relationship with God, it means he's up to date on current events, etc. A man with a vision is a well-rounded man.

      "Character flaws can and will be worked out as time goes on - Voddie says a young man does 90% of his growing up after marriage."
      Perfect reminder. Thanks so much for throwing your opinion in on this!!!

    4. Made me chuckle to read "Character flaws can and will be worked out as time goes on," because if we had to be perfect before we were eligible... I think it'd be a LLLOOONNNGGG while before most of us got married ;) It's a balance, finding the lines between ready and not ready, and acceptable and unacceptable, given that none of are anywhere near flawless. Since the dreamy, perfect, spotless spouse doesn't exist, all of us will be left choosing the sinner whose sin is the least offensive to our beliefs, the sinner who we are most able to work alongside. I think that's why there can't be a master list of questions to ask, traits to find, steps to take.
      That was mildly off topic, but I know y'all are the last ones to be put out by bunny trails :)

    5. *follows bunny trail easily*

      This is so well said! That's what I have to keep reminding myself of - that I can't have too high of expectations. Michael Farris said he had his daughter make up a list of character traits she would want in a husband, and his conclusion was, "I'm pretty sure Jesus would qualify." :D

    6. lol, in another talk he said that his daughter's list basically described Jesus in Mel Gibson's body. o.O

    7. Too funny! I heard Jesus in Brad Pitt's body :P

    8. Something else that is kinda big here, is the fact of complimenting each-other. As ladies, you (every girl on this blog) all will be there for the sole purpose of furthering your husbands mission and calling in life, and to be his help-meet.
      So maybe, aside from 'is he qualified', maybe the question shouldn't be focused so much on him, but should rather be 'what is my (girl) calling?' A qualified guy may come after a gal, but if that gal is called in a completely different direction than that qualified chap, I think that is a real deal breaker.
      In all reality, whether or not the chap is qualified will be figured out in no real length of time - it will soon be obvious. The question will then shortly be come 'where is he going?' and 'has God called you to follow in that goal?'
      Just throwing that out there. :)

  3. This is definitely a good thing to talk about. When we think about the fact that after we marry someone they have just become our LIFE-LONG partner, it makes you realize just how important those questions are! Don't forget that Tyler and Perry made up a long list of things that they talked through during their courtship on their "Step by Step" blog. I'm glad that you brought this up. It's an important topic!

    "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards."
    -Benjamin Franklin

    1. It really does!!! It actually makes it a little intimidating :) Good to hear from you!!! ♥

  4. Wow! There is so much that could be asked! But, I agree with vision, but I think I would want to know even more...what would he do if God changed his plans? Wonder what Sarah thought when God called Abraham out of Ur and into an unknown destination, at least unknown to them at the time? My guess is Abraham's main vision was doing the will of God no matter what...it played out in his life when he followed and on Mt. Moriah, it was Mt. moriah wasn't it? Well, where ever he was called with Issacc, his son. It is good to know what we think we want to do for God but it is even better to know what God can do through us. I would ask about his quiet time with The Lord, what is that like? You could tell alot by that. I would ask how he thought a wife would be his completer or helpmeet? What did that look like to him? Does this line up with scripture. How is his prayer life? How important is humility and accountability in a marriage? Oh my Lisa.....the list could go on and on but if a young man has a right relationship with His Savior, it will be easier for Him to have a right relationship with his wife. There is one other thing and it may be sensitive...I think I will PM you this part :))).