“Never forget what Jesus did for you. Never take lightly what it cost Him. And never assume that if it cost Him His very life, that it won't also cost you yours.”
~Rich Mullins

Jul 30, 2013


I was listening to Michael Farris on courtship the other day, and he made a really interesting point. He said there's a big distinction between

a) looking at someone objectively and being able to say, "they are A, B, and C which I could very easily see marrying" or "they are X, Y, and Z which are traits I definitely *don't* want in a marriage."


b) having a crush on someone or giving your heart to them in any form.

This was interesting to me because I've always had the mindset of "don't think about a person of the opposite gender in any way that pertains to marriage". But as I've gotten older, it's been harder and harder to not at least analyze other young people that way. It was freeing to hear that it's okay to do so as long as I'm not giving my heart to that person.

Agree? Disagree? Your thoughts?


  1. Agree. It would be foolish to assume that you could marry any christian man. It's silly to say that one is waiting for God to bring the right man and then not be evaluating the men that God brings into one's life. Maybe He's bringing them to you because there's some way you can bless them, maybe there's something you can learn from them, maybe one of them is your husband. The first guy who expresses interest in you is likely not going to be the man you marry. How do you know when to say no, if you haven't given any thought to what you're looking for in a husband? I think that honestly looking at a guy and realizing "they are A, B, and C which I could very easily see marrying" or "they are X, Y, and Z which are traits I definitely *don't* want in a marriage," actually prevents crushes. Maybe XYZ guy is funny and makes you laugh (and what girl isn't turned on by a funny guy?), but when you realize "Wow, he's got a temper," all of a sudden he's not so attractive. Knowing that ABC guy has what you're looking for, allows you to stop and realize that maybe you need to be more aware of your emotions toward him and work harder at keeping them in check.
    That's my two cents, for what they're worth :)

    1. That's a very valuable two cents :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts.....and I agree 100%. Funny gets plowed over real quick by angry.

      Love ya!!

      Oh, and it took me less than one second to figure out who you were ;)

  2. I totally agree Lisa :-))) It would not be logical to not identify A,B, & C or X,Y, & Z without having that person enter your mind. However, entering your mind is not the same as having a crush or giving your heart to them. This to me is the same reasoning behind taking our thoughts captive. Thoughts are going to come but we as Christian are to take them captive to the obedience of Christ. Well, with that reasoning, if we take them captive to the obedience of Christ there are several ways that can be be done, right? One way would be the analyzing, another way would be to replace them with a truth. The portion that you are mentioning seems to fall under making an observation to gain an understanding or discern wisdom where that person would relate to you in marriage. The other portion, having a crush seems to fall under allowing your thoughts to take control of your emotions. ....All that to say....I totally agree! We have had to learn that here too! I think....and I would have to ask Justin and Jacob to review this with me but that this was an area of learning for us...they did feel like if they were thinking about a girl that maybe that wasn't right but when we clarified some of these things it helped them a great deal. Jus, Jac, and I were just saying the other night....we need some sisters so we can ask them sometime what they may think if a guy acts or speaks in a certain way....would it be taken wrong? Yes, I know I am the only woman here but.....I have lived with guys so long that I think I am missing some of that feminine side :-))))) Haha! Love ya, keep thinking!

    1. Replacing with a truth is *huge*. Remembering to control our thoughts is so important because our emotions come from what we're thinking. Thanks for the reminder!!!

      And I totally hear you!! There's many times I'd love to just sit some guys down and ask them what they really think and how us girls really come across. Maybe our two families need to Skype and talk about it!!

      LOL...I'll definitely keep thinking...I do a lot of that. Now how often the results are actually worth something is a different story........ :D :D :D

    2. I think that is an awesome idea :-))) Maybe we will just do that some time.