For the past couple months, I've been really, really down. Struggling with faith, fighting to love and understand love, emotionally unstable, so very down on myself........it hasn't been fun. A dry spell, I've heard it called. Mine would have been more like a wet spell - I cry a lot. And I sincerely apologize to those of you who have had to put up with me.
But I've been praying about it all.....really praying. Begging God to reveal His love to me, to help me understand my faith in greater detail and that that would help me become more content. Quite honestly, I've been self absorbed. Absorbed in trying to figure out what's wrong, trying to figure out how to fix it, realizing I can't fix it, and trying to figure out how or what to pray so that God fixes it.
Time's gone on, and slowly things have gotten better, but I hadn't really realized how much better. The Bible once again has become so dear to me, I no longer feel "fake" having conversations about God with people, I'm more trusting....more content. But I couldn't pinpoint what had changed, or put my finger on what was different.
Then today it hit me.
Someone said something during church that started a series of chain reactions in my brain.....leading me to realize that God did exactly what I had been praying for. And I didn't even know exactly what I was praying for!! Romans 8:26 came so true for me.
"Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered."
Over the past couple weeks, God has brought a couple different people and situations into my life that have forced me to share my faith and search through Scripture in a way different from anything I've had to do. For the first time, I've been counseling a dear friend through some very rough stuff....things I've never experienced, and it's driven me to Christ. In order to send her verses, to be able to speak truth into her life, I've had to fully realize that truth for myself. He's put things in my path and exposed me to things (unpleasant things, albeit) that have left me realizing how incredibly inadequate and unqualified I am.....and how perfectly sufficient and comforting the Word is.
And so, slowly but surely, without me even noticing it, God has turned my focus back to Him, restored my joy, and made me so grateful! It's amazing the things that can happen when one gets their eyes off of themselves and onto living for others.
" Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28